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Even though I am happily in love with my soulmate today…
Even though I am writing worldwide blogs on love, divorce, relationships, and healing today....
Even though I step into my power and own my greatness today…
Even though I am a love and personal growth coach today...
Even though I am manifested a life today I only dreamed of 4 years ago…
THIS WAS NOT ALWAYS MY REALITY! It was actually QUITE THE OPPOSITE.
4 Years ago, I felt like a victim. I was frustrated. I was unfulfilled. I was breathing but I wasn’t living.
I was a human body with dying soul.
Today I am a vibrant soul living out a human experience that I was meant for.
Five years ago, I knew there was more to life. I knew I wasn’t where I wanted to be but I had no idea how I was going to get from point A to point B.
I dreamed of a REAL love. One with my best friend and lover in one. One where we are cracking up one second and then skin on skin the next.
The idea of starting over was dreadful though, so I put it off for a while. A long while. I was married for 16 years. Until I couldn’t settle anymore.
I filed for a divorce and the Universe provided me with all that I needed. The day I got divorced, I made a vow to myself to work on me and heal me. I knew I had a lot of work to do if I was going to attract a healthy, real love into my life.
I wasn’t interested in a mainstream love where the other person “completes me”, as Renee Zelweiger says in her “I’ve been broken so many times in love” voice. I didn’t want to find my “other half”. By saying this, I would be inadvertently saying that I wasn’t whole on my own so thanks, but no thanks! Been there, done that! This time around I was looking for the real thing.
But, then I got a little distracted.
I was divorced within 6 months and found myself pretty much right in the dating scene.
And that’s when SHIT GOT REAL.
The 90’s hit, “Show Me Love” suddenly became my theme song for life in my 30’s! Heartbreaks and promises, I’ve had more than my share. What I really need is somebody who really cares.
Yup! I know you know it!!
This was my life. All of my core issues and insecurities were brought right to the surface. I found mySelf feeling unlovable, not good enough and unworthy. I found myself continually saying, “wtf”! I was attracting emotionally unavailable dumb asses time and time again and I had no idea why. When a good guy would show interest, I’d send him right into the friend zone. Hmm...
My breaking point came when I realized I was just an option for someone I had been dating a while. I knew I deserved better and what really killed me was that I had allowed it for so long.
It killed me that I gave so much of mySelf only to be treated as second best. I knew on a conscious level he should be worshiping the ground I walked on, BUT he wasn’t! Again, “wtf”!
UNTIL I said enough is enough and set the intention to understand why.
I committed to working with a spiritual life coach who I still see today.
I went back for my Master’s in Holistic Health.
I got trained in Mike Dooley’s Infinite Possibilities, who is popularly known for his “Notes from the Universe”.
I jumped on a plane to Australia by mySelf to learn how to love and like mySelf.
I learned how to be alone without being lonely.
I was trained in Gabby Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass.
I learned the principles of “A Course in Miracles.” I learned to return to love instead of fear. I didn’t allow my EGO to run the show anymore.
I journaled. I meditated. I took mySelf on dates. I loved my little Nikki and took her everywhere with me.
I read. I watched videos. I listened to podcasts.
I took back my power. I realized I could create the life I dreamed of.
I learned that just in my desire for real love, it was indeed meant for me.
I SHOWED UP FOR MYSELF.
I started to understand relationships were mirrors telling us what was going on inside ourSelves. I couldn’t attract someone to make me feel a certain why UNLESS that feeling already existed within mySelf.
The emotions I was experiencing were my messengers. I started to understand mySelf for the first time in 35 years. I started to understand there was a little Nikki that was still with me that was asking to be healed and loved.
This was when life completely changed.
I was able to release blame and resentment and open my heart up to love.
I realized I couldn’t attract someone emotionally available if I was constantly protecting mySelf. I wasn’t able to allow someone fully in so how could I attract anything better if I was constantly protecting mySelf?
No more excuses. No more putting it off. No more half-assing it hoping someone would just come in and take all the pain away.
When I showed up for mySelf is when HE WALKED IN.
He walked in when I finally loved, liked, and accepted mySelf. I owned who I was and let him know the real me. I didn’t attempt to earn his love. I didn’t rewrite a text over and over again until it looked cool and like I wasn’t trying too hard. I was me. And you know what happened?
HE LOVED THE REAL ME.
Because I finally LOVED THE REAL ME.
So we created REAL LOVE.
And now my boyfriend and I live together with my three kids by the beach, which I only dreamed about when I was first divorced. Once I got out of my own way, committed to mySelf, invested in mySelf, and became aware of my blocks in love and healed them, REAL love came knocking at my door.
And holy shit, it’s that 90’s R&B Love that I so dreamed of.
So, now I share with women all over the world my own methods that I experienced mySelf that enabled me to manifest the love I so desired and knew I deserved.
I help women become their dream love to attract their dream love.
Are you ready yet?