Love. It’s paradoxical. We want it so bad but then when we get it, we’re scared of it and don’t know what to do with it. We yearn for a perfect partner but we often fail to become the perfect partner to ourSelves first, which leaves us empty and unfulfilled. So, we file for a divorce or break-up and continue the pattern in another relationship. We look for others to complete us instead of completing ourSelves. This reminds me of the famous line in the movie Jerry Maguire, when Renee Zellweger states, “You complete Me” in her I’ve been broken in love so many timesvoice. My goal after my divorce was to not have anyone complete me. It was to learn how to complete mySelf.

When we walk around looking for others to make us happy and fill our voids, we become unfulfilled and attached. We become attached to the idea of love and having a partner for what they can do for us to make us happy, rather than genuinely loving our partners. Instead we love them for what they can offer us, or for how they love us. When we look for others to complete us, we suffocate our partners in an unhealthy attachment. We want them to make us feel pretty. Make us feel worthy. Make us feel significant. Entertain us. Provide for us. Make us happy. All this ends up doing is eventually making us miserable. One day though, we realize that in order for authentic happiness to take place, it must first begin within. This is what I call a F.L.Y. Girl. A First Love YourSelf Girl. 

Nicole Amaturo