For most of my life, I struggled with the idea of perfectionism. From my looks, to my body, my GPA, and my business, nothing was ever good enough. It came from a place of me never feeling good enough. I strived for perfection so much so that I would end up sabotaging myself inadvertently. I used perfection as my clutch, my safety net. If I wasn’t perfect at something automatically, I just wouldn’t do it. If I couldn’t make a perfect decision, I just wouldn’t make one.
I put off so many things in my life out of fear of not making the right decision. Even when it came to my divorce I procrastinated and made sure I tried every last thing even when I knew it was dead for years, just so that I could make the perfect decision. Then, when I finally filed for a divorce, I even made sure we used a mediator and were friendly to each other to make it the most loving and agreeable divorce in history. When I was younger, I had friends tell me that they didn’t want to do bad things in front of me because they didn’t want to let me down because I was such a good girl.