Struggling is Actually Making You Feel Safe...
Struggle. It’s a word we all hate but yet pride ourselves off of and feel a sense of accomplishment overcoming it, right?
Why do we need it? Why do we unconsciously go after it?
As many of you know, I left teaching about 3 years ago to build my coaching and healing business.
At that time, I jumped ship big time.
I left work without money in my savings account.
I pulled out my pension and 403b to invest in building my business with just a few months of living expenses covered.
After that, I wasn’t quite sure how the money would come in to live. To survive.
I had 3 kids at the time and I was supporting myself. All that I had was faith. Faith that the Universe would support me as long as I did my part. Faith that I would always be taken care of.
I had to let go of the how and just surrender to God/Universe.
This was clearly NOT easy. As I write this, my heart pounds fast and I get butterflies in my stomach just remembering this time in my life and how scared I was.
My safety was threatened and I didn’t know how I’d survive. I lived day to day and hustled my ass off.
It left me burnt out and exhausted. I forgot what it was like to be free. To have fun.
I resented those who were able to just be taken care of and who felt safe, supported and free.
And then gradually with lots of inner work, I made my way up to the top. To 3k months. 5k months. 10k months and even 25k months.
But guess what? No matter how much I was making, I still felt unsafe. That it could be taken away. That next month I could make zero dollars.
All the irrational fears were always still there. When money would come in, I felt safe for the day or week and then was right back to worrying.
This is when I realized there was a bigger issue than just the money.
I realized there was clearly a BIG lesson in this for me.
And after working with a healer, I understood and felt the lesson. It was safety.
And the struggle was actually the thing that made me feel safe.
When we don’t believe things can just be THAT good, we will keep ourselves from “THAT good”.
We don’t trust “THAT good” because it equates to feeling safe.
We wait for the ball to drop at any moment.
This creates the struggle because unconsciously we’re scared of the success. If we allowed ourselves to feel success, then we would feel safe.
And feeling safe is scary to those who don’t trust it.
We’re scared of something THAT good because in the past, our “something THAT good” got take away or left.
So, we keep ourselves struggling because the struggle is safer to our unconscious mind than the success.
This was the case for me. I didn’t believe in the “something THAT good” because when things were THAT good, they often got taken away from me.
Whether it be gifts, privileges,money, weight, love, etc.
It all left. It all went away one time or another or was taken from me.
So, I didn’t believe in it unconsciously.
And the crazy thing is I would often unconsciously get rid of the “something THAT good” before “it” could leave me. Whatever “it” was.
I would spend money before it could leave me.
I would pick a fight with my husband and emotionally “leave” before he could “leave” me.
If I was doing great with my health and fitness goals, I would go off of them and revert back to my old programming.
It showed up in all areas of my life.
I was the one sabotaging my own feelings of safety.
Money was one of those things that equated to a feeling of safety and too good to be true for me.
And if I I didn’t feel safe at my root, without money, then money would constantly play hide and seek with me like this until I got this memo the Universe was trying to send me.
Because playing and engaging in the “hide and seek” equated to me struggling and that was safer to me than me feeling safe and successful.
Struggling actually gave me a false sense of safety.
Because as long as I was struggling, nothing could be taken from me.
And if nothing “THAT good” could be taken from me, then I felt safe.
So, struggling becomes the norm.
This is when I went back to my little girl. Again.
I began to heal my little girl and the core reasons why she didn’t feel safe. Why things never felt secure for her. Why she felt more comfortable in the struggle than in feeling safe.
I remembered different situations in my life where I felt this as I was driving, showering, or going for walks.
I just kept getting downloads and the pattern became so clear.
I continued going back to my little lady and began showing up for her in a big way to allow her to feel safe feeling safe.
I rebirthed her into different energy and gave her a new story to adopt. One that let go of the struggle and bought into the fact that things get to be and STAY amazing. I gave her a feeling of safety and of being supported. I told her that she didn’t have to just live at the vibration of “good enough” anymore.
I could raise above “good enough” and trust it.
Your little girl is the basis for all of your healing.
So, I ask you now…
Where are you struggling? How does struggling allow you to feel safe?
Where do you feel unsafe? Do you need the struggle or is your little girl just used to it?
Is it in love? Money? Health? Friendships? Work?
What is possible for you without the struggle? If all you have ever seen is mom or dad struggling, you’ll continue to run off of these old patterns.
When do you remember first struggling and feeling unsafe as a little girl?
It’s time to show up for her because all that you dream of is waiting on the other side of it.
I have some exciting news coming up that you won’t want to miss! And it all has to do with reparenting and healing your inner little lady in a BIG way!
Keep your eyes open for it!
Until then, sending love from my little lady to yours!